Diagnosis Day

The day Cancer really entered our lives was a Friday. The day before, we had an appointment with a Urologist because of an 'elevated PSA' - 4.37 after repeat. The first was 5.6, but the second was the ruler at 4.37. A "Free PSA" had also been done giving a ratio of .11 - these numbers were running our days. My beloved had rarely taken a day off work in his 10 years teaching and he had to take this day to get this appointment. Then, at the appointment, he found out he would need to take a second day for a biopsy of his prostate - the very next morning. "They are not messing around here - what gives?", I am thinking. Thursday night, I hit the web and thus began our education.

The biopsy was apparently, just a little 'pinchy' - 10 core samples taken, guided by trans-rectal ultrasound - ouch. He was to lay low during that day and we would most likely hear some results within the week, probably by Wednesday, we were told. I took him home, got him situated, and returned to work. He was sore, but slept. There are side effects from biopsy and all that went as it was described.

I got home before 5 PM to see my husband pacing in the house. I had to get inside to the bathroom....but he followed me and waited outside the door. Then I saw his face...he said, "I have cancer". I said, ".....And....what else did they say?" "We have an appointment Monday morning to come talk about my options". "WAIT - tell me more!" "There isn't anymore' "But, where is it?, how much?, how many cores positive?" "This is happening too fast (all in 24 hours), didn't you ask any questions?" "No, the doctor just wanted to be sure we had the appointment set up for Monday....." Breathe........

Being who I am, I could not go from Friday at 5 PM until Monday morning without a conversation with the doctor...come on.....

"I'm calling..." He was in no shape to call, I had to do this. The answering service came on at 5 PM - out of luck. I called and spoke with the answering service telling them we just got word we have cancer and nothing else - is our doctor (who we just met) on call by chance? Now, I am crying and trying to talk intelligently......" No Mam, but I think you should talk with the on call doctor. I didn't think he would know anything, so I declined. She insisted she let him know and have someone call me back.

About 20 minutes later the phone rang and it was Dr. X, I recognized as the 'senior partner'. I blubbered my story when he said he was awfully sorry, but he didn't know anything about our case and he was at his granddaughter's birthday party. GUILT - guilt....I apologized for bothering him and explained Monday is a long way away when all we know is that we have cancer and we are stunned. He apologized. It was just raw, but heartfelt for us both.

About 30 minutes later the phone rang again. It was our doctor, explaining that he had an opening Monday morning and wanted to be sure we knew to come in. (It didn't sound like he was aware of the impact of the news, probably makes these calls everyday.) I am not critical, I understand, but Monday is still 60 hours away. Can I try to ask a couple questions?